Tommy

Tommy is great. I have never known a guy like him ever. In the past, the men I dated tended to be very rude and controlling. If I got upset or scared about something, they would yell at me. Tommy isn't like that. For example the other night he said to me, "Awww....what's wrong, Muffin?" My heart melted when he said that.

I am sitting here right now waiting for him to get off work. We are playing it by ear on how he is going to feel. If his back hurts, then we are going to wait until tomorrow night (Sunday) to go out.

I know in an earlier blog I mentioned quiting church. I followed through with it. I no longer go to church. Over the past few months I come to realize that I really am an atheist. Tommy helped me to feel free to not only admit to myself, but those around me.

I am happy though and I don't feel any guilt over any of the decisions I have made in my life lately. It is what is best for me and I need to follow my heart to wherever it may lead me in my life journey.

Life Is Great

This is just a quick blog before I leave for church. I am thinking about quiting church again, but not sure if I want to go in that direction yet...I will blog more about this on a later date as I move closer to making a decision. I don't want to act to hastily either way.

Tommy came over on Mother's Day to spend some time with my mom after his mom left for work and he had cake and ice cream with us. I was nervous because as I think I have mentioned before, my mom thinks he is the anti-Christ.

When it came time for him to leave, I asked him if he wanted me to walk him out. He did the cutest thing, but I don't think he knows I noticed. He turned to the side thinking I couldn't see, smiled, and mouthed the word, "Yes!" Then he turned to me and acting as cool as he could, he said, "Sure, you can if you want," so I walked out with him.

We stood on the sidewalk just hugging and whispering in each other's ear. I didn't want it to end. We embraced like that for at least 15 minutes and then spent another 15 minutes kissing. Being in his arms feels great. Whenever he holds me in his arms that way I never want it to end and when it does, I can't wait to be back in his arms again.

When we finally pulled free from the embrace, he told me he would call me later and then he did this little skip and ran to his car. He seemed really happy. No guy ever reacted to me in that way before I lost weight.

We have another date later today after I get home from church. I really think he might be the one...

So Tommy and I had our date. It was great and I am so glad that I went. I am also glad that I met him.

When my mom first saw him, she looked his outfit up and down and and the look on her face when she saw his combat boots was priceless. She looked at him as if he is the anti-Christ come to life.

We went to the mall and got in a lot of walking. He was proving to me that I can eat 'junk food' from time to time and not gain any weight.

Then we went and had a coco loco at a coffee shop in the mall before we headed over to Hot Topic to do some shopping. It was the first time I have ever shopped in that store, but it has become my favorite store and I can't wait to go back.

After that we went to Chic Filet for dinner. We then left the mall and went to a club in Vallejo in a really bad neighborhood, which is where we are in the picture (it is actually in the back room of that club). We watched several bands perform and then he took me home and by the time we got bac to Fairfield, it was after one in the morning, but I had a lot of fun.

He kissed me goodnight and then he left. I got in the house to find my mom had waited up for me. She was mad at me for staying out so late and saying good girls don't stay out all night like that. I am 33 years old and she is acting as if I am still this little teenage girl. It is getting annoying as hell. She said that if I was under age, she wouldn't have let me out the door with him.

The only thing left to do is to get my mom and Tommy talking to each other and getting to know one another because I don't think either one of them is going to be out of my life anytime soon, so they need to learn to get along with one another if this is going to work, so that is what I have been working on.

On Mother's day Tommy came over to celebrate it with us since his mom had to work. I was worried about it, but I think that my mom and Tommy actually talked and they got along great. It surprised Tommy because he said that most moms don't like him. He wore his combat boots again and the outfit he planned to wear Monday to get out of jury duty (it did the trick and he doesn't have to do jury duty today, so he got to go to work, which is good because he needs the money to pay his car payment and cell phone bill).

When it came time for him to go, I asked him if it would be okay for me to walk him out. He turned to the side and I don't think he noticed that I noticed, but he smiled and mouthed the word, "Yes". When we got outside, he held me in his arms for the longest time and it felt great. Actually it felt perfect. When he was kissing me bye, I realized something. I think I am falling in love with Tommy. I can't wait to see him agian and I know it will be soon.

Before I forget, the first picture is a picture of me from behind and my new hair color (I can't wait till the excess skin is removed so I don't look so huge anymore).

It has been a few days since I posted a blog, so I thought I would take a few minutes to do so, even though I don't have much time.

I posted a blog a few days ago confused about what guy to choose. In my opinion they are all great, but my mom doesn't agree. There is only one my mom approves of and those who know me know why she wants me with this guy, even though I have no feelings for him.

Well, as difficult as it was, I narrowed it down to two choices:

1) Anwar
2) James (Jimmy) (my mom's choice for obvious reasons)

When I made my announcement to my mom that I had narrowed the choices down, I kept saying, "but then again there's Tommy" and my mom kept saying no, "You said Anwar and Jimmy" as if all that was set in stone.

I kept thinking about the situation. It was was a very hard to decision to make, but I knew I had to make my choice. I didn't choose Anwar. I thought about it and I realized that I will never be able to be with Anwar. He lives in Maryland and that is a very expensive place to live. I am just surviving where I am now.

So that left Jimmy. The only problem is that I don't love him and I can't force myself to love him. It just wasn't going anywhere and I don't see it going anywhere in the future.

I did choose one though and to my mom's disappointment, I chose Tommy. We are going to date and see where things go. In fact, he will be calling me any minute now and then coming over to pick me up for our date. I am actually happy about my choice and looking forward to seeing where it leads.