Confession

I haven't really been eating lately. I have an extreme fear of weight gain. I am beginning to think everyone around me is right. I am an anorexic. I believe this to be true after what happened in church today.

I almost passed out. My friends and family said I turned white as a sheet. They made me promise to go see a doctor about this, so tomorrow I will call and make me an appointment. The bishop's wife says that if I fix my metabolism I will be able to eat just like everyone else and not worry about weight gain. I hope she is right.

I have agreed to transition completely off from the Medifast because this is really frightening my friends and family and that isn't what I want to do. I just want them to see me in a normal way. Not as the 'fat' girl and not as the 'anorexic' girl. I just hope I can follow through with this promise. I am going to try my hardest.

I am ten pounds heavier than I am now in the above picture and I was told by more than one person that I was bordering on too thin. I have this fear though that once the excess skin is removed, I am still going to be fat.

My friends are afraid that I am going to die from not eating. I am afraid they are right, but what can I do when I am too afraid to eat food?